The Year's Best (Actual) Headlines of 2004

[stormiestl]

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2004:


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

    [imagine that!]


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

     [no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

   [now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

   [not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

     [what a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death

   [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

  [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace

  [I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

  [you think?!]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    [who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges  

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge  

[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 

[weren't they fat enough?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft   

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy 

[That was really giving of himself!]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half  

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors   

[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  

[nuff said]