New Drugs on the Market

[stormiestl]

D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up

to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering

preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness

by reminding

you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you

couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups

swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,

decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low

IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup

trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling

road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases

resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want

to be a better person ..Can we get naked now?.

B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases

potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember

your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift

the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on

anyone too eager to share their life stories with total

strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides

the same irritation level as nagging him