The Year's Best (Actual) Headlines of 2004

THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2004:


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

    [imagine that!]


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

     [no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

   [now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

   [not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

     [what a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death

   [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

  [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace

  [I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

  [you think?!]


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    [who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges  

[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge  

[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 

[weren't they fat enough?!]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft   

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy 

[That was really giving of himself!]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half  

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors   

[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  

[nuff said]

Was that a Burgler Alarm??? Nahhhh....

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Police in a prosperous
Californian city near San Francisco will begin ignoring most
burglar alarms, prompted by too many false alarms and too
little money.

Fremont police said the overwhelming majority of warning
signals they receive are false alarms that cost the city
$600,000 a year. Because of budget cuts, starting next month
they will only respond if they have additional verification,
such as a video feed of a crime occurring or a witness report.

"We had 7,000 alarm calls last year and 66 of those were
burglary," police chief Craig Steckler told KTVU television.
"What do you want us to do?"

Several large cities have similar policies, including Salt
Lake City, Milwaukee and Las Vegas, the police department said.

The city estimates 41 percent of Fremont's 209,000
residents earn more than $100,000 a year.

But California's state and local governments have faced
money problems in recent years. Salinas, author John
Steinbeck's hometown, recently said it would close all its
libraries for financial reasons.

Norwegians Confused by Bush Salute

Quite frankly.. I like their interpretation better than what it really was.

OSLO,
Norway (AP) - President Bush's "Hook 'em, 'horns" salute got lost in
translation in Norway, where shocked people interpreted his hand
gesture during his inauguration as a salute to Satan.

That's
what it means in the Nordics when you throw up the right hand with the
index and pinky fingers raised, a gesture popular among heavy metal
groups and their fans in the region.

"Shock
greeting from Bush daughter," a headline in the Norwegian Internet
newspaper Nettavisen said above a photograph of Bush's daughter Jenna,
smiling and showing the sign.

For
Texans, the gesture is a sign of love for the University of Texas
Longhorns, whose fans are known to shout out "Hook 'em, 'horns!" at
sporting events.

Bush,
a former Texas governor, and his family made the sign to greet the
Longhorn marching band as it passed during the inaugural parade through
Washington during Thursday's festivities, explained Verdens Gang,
Norway's largest newspaper.